Tag Archives: Weirdo

Average Math

Just the other day I was at my beloved ASSRAPER INC. getting ready to start another day of hell. I came in with a positive attitude (even though it was my 8th day in a row, but thats a whole different section). I went to double check C.C.’s work…as I always do. Low and behold he had screwed up some average math problems (like the one’s my 8 year old does in timed tests in 2nd grade). Yes I understand that all of us make a mistake once in awhile, but FUCK!!!! everyday! C.C. doesnt stand for Constantly Correct thats for sure! I still have no idea how he got to were he is today. i am sure it had alot to do with pitty, obligations, and of course some petty anal sex events from early employment. I hate “cleaning up” after C.C. and I am sure that when the minimum wage thing comes out there is going to have to be a lot of “cleaning up”. I for one am not going to clean up C.C.’s mess. Thank goodness I have some cool people to work with like the sparrow and my buddy that is an expert on cunt monkeys! FUCK C.C. and FUCK ASSRAPER INC!

I don’t blame the Captain…

It’s true, I don’t blame the Captain for his inability to be a human. I don’t blame him for communication skills at the level of a toaster. I don’t blame him for a complete lack of anything resembling a managerial skill. Nay, Captain Charisma is a victim. Who is to blame then you may certainly be asking. Well, I don’t blame the parents of this devil spawn either and the list of likely culprits is slimming.

I blame the personal physician of the Charisma family. Surely through the advances of modern science, even what it was at during the stages that Charisma’s mother and father still passed the evening finger bangin’ behind the piggly wiggly to a choir of screeching cats and three toothed bums known by aliases like “bub” and “jimbo”, he could see the outcome. The strongest, fastest, most likely sperm of the bunch…the cream of the crop, if you will, had a tendency towards early hair loss and while loss of mentality was an option it hinged upon there being a suitable level of mentality to lose. Surely this doctor, if you’re still willing to call this shaman of medical science a doctor, knew the outcome. He saw it in his future that this lad would bring tidings of a new porsche and a hot young receptionist with tits bigger than her I.Q. to help compensate for his low self esteem and a penis that would look much less comical on a two year old.

This man was evil. A cog in the perpetual wheel of corporate America. A member of the upper one percent that is too busy fucking the daylights out of everyone to realize that they’re crushing the foundation of bodies they’re standing on. In a way this modern voodoo man was a victim himself, but we can only take things so far. Someone has to be held to blame for this outrage against humanity. A simple thump on the noggin’ at the appropriate moment during birthing could have saved us all…but he wanted that new porsche. Maybe some planning could have created a more elaborate situation where an act of subterfuge could have been used to cover the key moment when the boy, at least we assume he was male at the moment this bouncing baby idiot was summoned through the black gate onto earth, was dropped. “Well, call me Mr. Butterfingers!”. That’s all it would have taken, and I really don’t think it’s asking too much.

The point is that the Captain, in all his glory, is not responsible in much the same way that a new born is not responsible for their motor movements…or laying down a heavy suppressive fire of piss on the new helicopter wallpaper that was put in just for him. It would be on par with holding the vending machine repair man responsible for the nuclear reactor of a submarine exploding. He couldn’t help it. He was far too busy ensuring that everyone who had a much more important job, like giving a complex order like “turn left”, wouldn’t run out of nutty crunch bars. I see no situation were a lack of gooey centered chocolate snacks would relay directly into a nuclear blast. Maybe I’m not thinking it through well enough, but the situation eludes me.

No, the Captain is that vending machine guy. He can’t handle the “turn left” order. He’s not capable of taking upon the responsibility of sitting on a pillow and looking important. Do we honestly believe that when he’s at home, in his free time, masterbating to the sears commercial on his black and white television while desperately trying to drive a second knuckle into his own rectum that his mind is racing towards the solution of a way to make this world a better place to live in? Certainly not, he’s thinking about how this whole idea of shoving that knuckle up his pooper seemed a lot better before ass started to bleed.

In conclusion I cry out to all medical practitioners everywhere. Consider the responsibility you’re taking on while bringing a child onto this planet. Consider the repurcussions of it beyond that big tittied receptionist. Do something for humanity!

How does someone who sucks at Life…

How does someone, who sucks at Life, keep a job for so long? I think I know why… He sucked a lot of cock to get to where he is today… I mean… Come on… How the FUCK do you fuck up on a daily basis and not get in trouble for it??? Captain Charisma somehow keeps his job.

I have always thought you should treat your employees with respect and not yell at them all the fuckin time. I see Captain Charisma yelling at top employees all the fuckin time. What am I supposed to do??? This is why some people have branded together. Instead of letting shit stay in house and make us feel like shit, we are voicing our non-existing voices on the internet. I mean the only thing C.C. goes to is the kidding porn sites… that SICK FUCK!!!

I know that wages went up in ILL, but CC has not told any of the employees about the changes… You do not receive a raise… Your raise is to $6.00 (under 18) and $6.50 (18 and over). Some people have been there for a long time and have got raises, but he is to FUCKIN SCARED TO TELL OUR STAFF… FUCK DAT!!! You should never fuck with people’s money. They have… I just hope that CC and the Mob fuck themselves over.

I know I just put a ton of shit on here at once and I did not stay on subject, but I am fuckin pissed about how Captain Charisma treated one of my friends… There are 3 things that you never FUCK WITH; 1) Family 2) Money 3) Friends. I hope that The Ref sees what is going on sometime, but he is a piece of shit… I think he knows what is going on, but The Ref does not give a shit any more. Whatever…

Speak on This…

the BIG K

The raise that wasn’t

So I’m workin along last nite, doin my thing. A particular crew leader of questionable lifestyle asks how raises will be going, trying to get some inside info no doubt. I probably gave him a nice “what the fuck” look and as calmly as possible asked if he’d been talked to by Captain Charisma. He hadn’t; as you may already know. It’s stupid enough how Assrape Incorporated© is treating the employees but does Grandmasta P really think that not telling anyone will make it go away? These poor bastards are gonna find out when they get their first check. That shit just ain’t right. There I was all looking forward to a shift when the big Pizzle wasn’t working…somehow he still made me have an average day there at Assrape. I hope his testicles rot.